Shake Your Groove Thing

A dilemma in regards to proper etiquette:

If you are at a movie, concert or sporting event, and you need to move down the row to go to the restroom or perhaps concession stand, is it best to stick your butt or your crotch in people's faces? Is it optional, depending on who's sitting in the row you're going down?

As long as I'm discussing convention, yesterday I went to the outdoor pool, and bore witness to some of the odder behavior I've seen in a public place for some time. Not one, but two independent cases of Mr.Speedos making spectacles of themselves. I mean, as previously observed, anyone that wears speedos and is not named "Spitz" or "Phelps" is obviously a delusional twit anyway, but these two guys took great pains to separate themselves from the pack. The first, after completing his afternoon swim (which didn't appear to be an Olympic calibre performance) proceeded to engage in an exercise routine at the poolside, which involved lots of push ups, and sticking his butt in the air. We observed that this display would certainly have been easier, and more comfortable for him to perform at home, instead of on hot, rough concrete, and could only surmise that he was either homeless, stupid, or hoping to provide entertainment to the pools' various social commentators. As it turned out, this man was a mere piker. A warm-up to the main event as it were.

The second Mr.Speedo (or Beard-o as he shall now be known) was astonishing. After completing his non Olympic performance (At one point I was swimming in the lane next to his-my fat ass passed him, and rest assured sports fans, my swimming style is more akin to that of a wounded manatee than a dolphin), Beard-o proceeded to launch into a series of contortions worthy of a sideshow at a cheap and seedy circus. This clown was performing yoga, in his speedos, again, on hot rough concrete, right next to the pool, as if he were on a stage. Which I suppose he was. Lord knows, we couldn't quit watching. It was fascinating to watch the intent look on his face as he turned himself into all sorts of bendy positions. He was a torso twisting, toe extending, one leg balancing machine. I was half expecting him to launch into a one person interpretation of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake at some point.

And what made it even more amusing, was the guy's over all appearance. His facial hair stylings were those of an Al Queda agent, bent on some form of Jihad. Imagine a depiction of the Prophet Mohammad in speedos, and you're getting the picture. Outstanding public theatre!